I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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