well you can't waste a boner
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
