I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize