I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Randomize
