You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Too much gin, very little bucket
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
