I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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