is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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