I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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