you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
