I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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