just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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