At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize