What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
