he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
