I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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