At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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