At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
