I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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