Whod you bang
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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