shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Randomize
