I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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