Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize