he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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