Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
