Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize