the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
