my phone needs a breathalizer
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
