yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
