Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize