Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
