I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
