it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize