So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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