My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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