no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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