I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We need a shit load of segways right now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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