I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
