i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
