Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
