maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
