I wannas sexs uuuuu
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
