I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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