I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
