No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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