And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
