I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
