Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
