I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
