Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
