Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize