we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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