So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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