If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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