So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize