If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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