Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
