just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
