no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
