Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
