allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
