I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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