return my video game
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
