I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
