so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
