I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
