Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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