Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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