are you still at the devil's house?
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
