I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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