I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
