You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
