I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Everclear isn't food dammit
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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