I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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