Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
