I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
