This show inspires me to have sex in space
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
