Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The struggles of a small town man whore
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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