I think my fart just growled at me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
