I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
