SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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