Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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