I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
