my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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