Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
time to smoke my breakfast
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
