Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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