Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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