Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
