sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
