1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
