wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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