shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize