Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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